Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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