Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
