I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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