And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
