there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
