she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
