I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
