You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize