96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
