dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
