I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
