So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
