She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
