roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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