She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
