he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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