sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
