In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
