You just made me feel so damn special
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
