Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
