maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
