she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
