I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
