i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
