You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
