Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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