He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
