Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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