I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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