sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
