who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
