If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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