i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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