Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
