Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
