why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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