if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
