Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize