Just fell off a train. Bad.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
