I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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