Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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