you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
