Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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