I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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