Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
