I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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