im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
