I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
