Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i think my cat just said my name.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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