I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
