Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
