i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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