Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
