woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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