Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My feet surprised me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
