I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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