I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
should my penis look like a turkey
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize