Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
