Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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