I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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