**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
