She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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