lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
