I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize