i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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