They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
