Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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