Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
