I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
