Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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