dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm really busy with my period
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