JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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