so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
