I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
