i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
